Random Bits of Rubbish : The Lord of the Rings
by weyohi2g4234yh
Summary: Yes, I finally managed to get this done... It's like the Harry Potter one. Only Lord of the Rings.


I finally got round to typing all this up! Hail me!  
Anyway, I had to go through a lot of bits of paper and found to my dismay that over half of the Lord of the Rings ones (about two thirds, strangely. None of mine and most of Potter's and his friend's) weren't actually funny at all but merely ... dirty. Ah well. I may have missed some bits of paper, and if this is the case they will be added when I get round to it, so if you want you can check back to see if this has increased in size.  
*sigh* I may end up having to use the X-Men ones as well. In fact I probably won't. Of course, if you really wanna see the X-Men ones... well, you'll just have to say so. In a review, for example...   
If you hadn't figured, I love reviews. I eat them with toast and jam. They form a staple part of my diet. I may become ill without my minimum daily requirement of reviews. in a nutshell, REVIEW ALREADY!!! =oO=;  
You may have noticed that in this one I didn't add who each chunk of stupidity was by. This is because I couldn't be bothered. Thankyou.

  
  


"Aaargh!" screamed Frodo as a horrible tentacle grabbed his leg. Aragorn jumped onto the beast and plunged his sword into the tentacle holding Frodo. "NO-ONE GRABS A HOBBIT WHILE I'M AROUND!" The beast screamed as they made a quick getaway, before muttering sadly: "I just wanted to know if you wanted some muffins..."

  
  


"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" Sam paused, gasping for breath, before continuing his unnecessarily drawn-out cry. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Mister Frooodoooo!" Out of breath, he groaned and fell over.

  
  


----- It's time for an ad break... Ok, maybe not, but who cares?-----

"Are you sick of dirty, unpolished carrots?" grinned Merry. "Well, no more dirt means no more dirt! Your yams, cabbages, lettuces, apples, oranges, pineapples, casavas.."

-fifty or so fruits and vegetables later-

"...Casavas, eggplants, tomatoes, tangerines, lemons, coconuts (snigger), strawberries (snigger), avocadoes, melons (snigger), mangoes, bananas (snigger) sprouts, cauliflowers..."

(that's enough useless listing of legumes - ed)

-----Courtesy of PDMLF-----  
-----And now, back to... uh ... well, it's not 'our story', that's for sure-----

  
  


Merry and Pippin dashed out of Gandalf's portakabin, holding his staff. "NAUGHTY DIPPY DUCK!" roared the elderly wizard. "CURSE YOU!" He burst out of the portakabin and waved a hand. A metal pole which had been sitting about minding its own business began to roll towards the hobbits, gathering speed until it managed to knock them over.

"OW!" cried Merry. "We stole your staff, you're not supposed to be able to do magic without it!"

"Too right," agreed Pippin.

Gandalf grinned. "Aha, but this isn't magic! It's freak powers bestowed upon me by an accident of birth!" he said, waving a finger triumphantly.

The hobbits exchanged glances. This was the second time this week. "Gandalf..." began Merry, but the wizard shot him an angry glare.

"I don't see why I can't be Gandalf the Grey and Magneto, Master of Magnetism as well!!"

"Because it's a _different film,_ Gandalf. And a different universe. Or something."

Gandalf continued to glare. "Bah, humbug."

  
  


"I fear you are mistaken! For I am really... YOUR MOTHER!!!" cackled Boromir.

"'ere, ain't you s'posed to be dead?" piped up Bill the pony.

"Ponies don't talk," Frodo pointed out.

"I do," said Bill.

"Waugh!" wailed Sam. "I've been sold a dud!"

"No, I was a perfectly normal albeit emaciated and malnourished pony when you purchased me," said Bill, "But since Gandalf did that magicky thingumy to stop me gettin' eaten by assorted unpleasant things, I have been able to talk! Hail me, Bill the magic talking pony!" 

But everyone had gone.

  
  


"Oh my GOD!" cried the Balrog, outraged, steam pouring from his cavernous nostrils. "You stole my best hat!" He snatched the head-gear in question from Frodo's head, inspecting it carefully. "Look!" he exclaimed, pointing at the decorations adorning the top of the straw hat. "The pineapple is all squashed!"

  
  


As they rowed across the lake, Sam and Frodo were astonished to see a huge, dripping shape rise up from the depths. The creatures grinned. "Heeere's Balrog!!" it shouted, and paused. "Hm. That didn't sound quite right did it...? How about 'Here's Bally!' ... no ..." he continued his musings, unaware that the hobbits had rowed away as fast as their little hobbity arms could possibly row.


End file.
